what goodbye feels like

Over 60 years in each other’s lives,

Surfing the waves of highs and lows.

Enduring tsunamis of emotion.

Living, loving, hating but never ignoring.

Always engaged

Now as we head to port,

The end almost in sight,

We navigated mainly with fair winds and following seas,

Occasionally full sails held close to the wind,

And the doldrums, only pauses that emphasized

The beauty of our voyage.

Memory is a quirky thing

Good ones leap to mind

Jumping fish at the end of eternity’s pole,

Bad ones huddle, snakes in a dark basket

Only stirred forward by prodding.

But why prod? It was done.

Done.

We are solid, a team

We smile at the same songs

We crack up at private jokes

We get teary over tiny gestures

We are grateful for each other’s company

Unnumbered days ahead, begin to feel numbered.

How many?

I’ve never been good at math.

Numbers have been known to lie.

I only know that the days are precious

Not endless as when we were seventeen

How did we last so long?

How did we come so far?

Together!

A mystery that needs no resolution.

Chronos has ushered us nearer to our ‘sell-by’ date

Health is now the prominent daily topic

Parkinsons has robbed you of prime vigor

I assume roles for which I didn’t audition

Mutual patience is our new superpower

The thought “will he be here next year?”

Now resonates in daily reckoning.

But the question, “will I?” comes less frequently.

How will I be me without you?

The tether is so strong.

I am only an actor in this play

Not the author

I am not privy

To the final scene

I will play it as it comes

With faith

I wrote this poem for Ken in celebration of his 80th birthday and over 61 years of being together.

10 thoughts on “what goodbye feels like

  1. I’m reading your touching blog today. Thank you for sharing your heart! So many of us are heading down similar roads in the twilight years of life, each of us taking a path of our own, wondering how our journey will evolve into life’s end. You have expressed so well the contemplations we all have in one way or another. Love to you both as you hold tight to each other in the final years of life. Our God is an awesome God, and He will see you through.

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    • thank you Jeri. I know you and Gil share the same kind of closeness. We love you too and we’re happy we have reconnected. Family is so important and you have an extraordinary one. God bless you all.

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  2. Oh Diana, this made me cry. Tears of joy for the years you’ve shared and tears of sorrow because the end is closer and I feel that too. Love you friend. How truly blessed we are. ❤️

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    • Thank you Suzanne. We truly don’t have a lot of tears right now because we are so committed to living “today”. I know there will be a time for tears. I did actually cry as I was wrote this poem because it took me to memories of our very active life and adventures. Happy tears for what we did and sorrow for what was and can no longer be. Thank you for reading and I’m so grateful to have you and Merlin in my life also.

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  3. It was so kind of you to share this. My dear husband passed 6 months ago today. We also shared a very close bond. “We’re in it together” I used to say to him so often, as he too lived with Parkinsons, and then became blind the last two years of his life. I am so so grateful I was able to care for him until the end. I miss him every hour of every day.

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    • Thank you Jean. It is a blessing to have sustained our long relationship through all the ups and downs and to find we are closer than ever. I am grateful that my husband works hard every day to keep his quality of life for as long as he can. I am also happy to be able to assist him as he goes through the challenges of Parkinsons. God bless you for staying the course with your husband. I’m sure it brought you closer.

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